today is one hellufa day. it's still a continuation of yesterday since i had no sleep studying for psych and deal with shit that has happened.
i went to UP today to write jedil's birthday letter and give it to kitten. and to see kitten:) cathy and i got to talk today. at kamusta naman? chain. chain. chain. i was still super mad. and cathy said it wasn't my fault. kahit na feeling ko that it's my fault.
i'm sorry okay? pero i dunno if the friendship is still there. i am tired of you treating me like shit. ano ako? condom??? na pagkatapos kitang pagtakpan, at protectahan, eh itatapon mo na lang ako? sobrang sakit na dahil lang sa nawala siya sa'yo magagalit ka sakin. when it wouldn't have happened if you didn't lie. what does that imply? i mean you not telling me all about your thing going on. that means she's just like those other girls you flirted with. i know you like her. i know. pero with what has happened i don't know if your lying or not. gusto pa rin kitang tulungan alam mo yun? pero kasi... sobrang pagod na ko. kaya sorry. at sorry kung madami akong nasabi kanina at napalakas at medyo narinig ng lahat ng tao sa steps. pero kasi sobrang naiinis ako sa'yo.
alam ko mataas ang pride mo at ayaw mo ng kinaawaan ka. pero naaawa ako sa'yo. kasi you lost your cool man. natanga. first time! natanga ka. hindi pa nangyayari yun. pero sobrang wala akong sympathy sa'yo ngayon kasi you deserve it.
i am not mean. i am just mad. and frustrated and frustration may lead to one of two things: aggression or depression. and mine kinda went into the aggression side. first time talaga ko magalit ng ganito. sobrang chain talaga ko kanina at sobrang nanginginig ako. at ang mas nakakainis dun napaka NR mo na ngayon. sobrang napaisip ako kung kaibigan mo ba talaga ko eh. o ginagamit mo lang ako.
i have a question, where you thinking of her at that time? all those times we were together?
gawd. i hate you! at least she had the decency to tell me about it. and at least she didn't lie to me the way you did. to think that you and i have been friends longer than we were friends.
okay. enough. no point for this, because i don't want to care. ikaw na yung nagpaalam eh, so malamang hindi na tayo friends. kaya hindi na kailangan pang itolerate ang mga insensitive and selfish behavior mo.
thank God i have friends who convinced me that it wasn't my fault. Friends who actually made me realize that i shouldn't be treated like shit. and friends who treat as a real friend.
once again, music and a little conversations with my bitches and daryl pacified me for sometime. but i just couldn't stop lighting stick after stick.
it means that something else is bothering me. must be the psych exam today. i wasn't feeling well. i vomitted my breakfast and just ate little pieces of chocolate to keep me up and functioning. my head started to feel numb. movement makes me dizzy and i just felt like vomitting. oh yes, i vomitted before my psych exam. and i don't really vomit, unless i'm really really drunk.
something's wrong and at this point i don't want to deal with it. i am so frustrated about a lot of things. especially my grades. but you know, i don't want to talk about my failure because i am not prepared to confront myself.
i want to stop breathing and feel totally helpless. iwant the world to stop and wait for me to catch up.
once again, music and friends pacified me. at least for this time being. fun semi-road trip with mmk going to cobs' house. i actually ate my dinner without vomitting it.:) and i finished all 20 sticks today.
so far, that was how my day was. and i am continuing yesterday today. i have a lot to do. and hopefully this will keep me occupied and take me far from breaking down. working makes you avoid self-confrontation, it avoids unwanted feelings, it helps you avoid depression.
after this. i shall fly:)