"es-ka-pe. Funny, it spells just like the word escape." -Dory

i need escape. the sweet escape or the great escape. whichever is available. i just need to go far far away where i can leave my world and survey it from the outside and try to make sense of the mess i did.

oh Father Dear, i need your resources for my escape.

yes, escape. not a break nor a vacation. i want to run away from my life. i want to run away from my responsibilities. i need to run away, and not feel anything. to feel safe in the sanity of a different world. a world that's sooo different that i too would be different.

a temporary change wouldn't hurt.

i need to know. i need to know what i want. what's causing my behavior. i need this cognitive dissonance to be reduced to a manageable size that will keep me functioning.

i write to rationalize. i rationalize to justify my actions. i need this to keep myself sane. sanity in this insane world is now out of my hands. and the more i move the more the earth pulls me down to my doom. but i cannot not move. if i stop moving the world will leave me behind.

you see, i am not making sense. even when i close my eyes, i can't find the peace i need to keep me totally sane and pacified. this means i have not only fucked up my surrounding but also this little space i made for myself in my mind to rest in when everything else is in chaos.

putangina kasi. ayoko na talaga. sawang sawa na talaga ko. napapagod na ko. 3 in one year?? what the hell?? what the hell talaga. it's physically and emotionally tiring!

life, what do you want from me? haven't i been faithful to you? haven't i been good? yes, there are times i would think of something really mean(well, funny-kind-of-mean) but i don't really do it. you see, i'm scared of getting hurt. that's why i don't intentionally hurt someone, because i know that karma gets back too fast for me to even think about it. but why??? why do i still have to endure all these shit? I'M TIRED! I'M TIRED OF THIS NEVER ENDING CYCLE!

i'm tired of saying sorry. i'm tired of blaming myself. it wasn't just my fault. you had a choice too, you know? i'm tired. i'm tired. really really tired. i am not blaming everything on you. i didn't blame anything. i'm just mad at the fact that you kept me in the dark and because of that shit happened. when in the first place i demanded to know.

stupid stupid mouth. stupid talaga.

i don't know why i'm like this right now. i don't know what i even feel. and i fucking hate not knowing!!!

i've said it before, and i'm saying it again, you frustrate me.

"Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight"
-the great escape

"If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah

You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me"
-Sweet Escape